Thursday, April 29, 2010

twitter review: Jess Franco's Count Dracula (Coppola vs. Franco I)

tonight's film: Jess Franco's Count Dracula! not to be confused with Francisco Franco's Count Dracula!
the popularity of the Twilight books means i can buy a copy of Jess Franco's Dracula at Wal-Mart for five bucks. i'm ok with that.
there's a lot of reasons to watch this film, but all i need is Soledad Miranda as Lucy. You wanna know my type? She's my type.
it's not even that she's beautiful, it's her attitude, her vibe. i'm getting all unseemly just thinking about it.
but you need more? christopher lee! klaus kinski! maria rohm! bruno nicolai did the score!
now it's a film done on the cheap, so it's not a film for dilettantes.
(harry allen towers might have put up a hundred bucks to film it)
(tonight i'll be doing a compare/contrast with coppola's dracula, so stay tuned)
man, klaus kinski is a *beast*. i don't know that he's a good role model, tho.
"Your friend is in need of attention!" I'll give her attention!
and of course, like hitchcock, franco throws in a little wave to the audience.
quincy morris looks like dick cavett!
i want that hammered dulcimer theme to play every time i enter a room!
"All my life I've made a study of what some people call the black arts."
Oh, my anima? Soledad Miranda as a vampire. Guuuuuh.
in my experience, telling girls "you have become not only a nurse but a servant!" does not go well.
dick cavett to the rescue!
"Lucy? A killer of...children?"
the stuffed animals coming to life scene really is, well, bad.
"You have learned much. You can do nothing."
also, it's saint patrick's day, i'm getting drunk.
you ever see dick cavett pound a stake into a topless girl's chest? it's pretty heavy!
also, dracula probably shouldn't put his name on his tomb if he's trying to stay low-key.
"Whilst the Count lives, time and space have little meaning." Ain't it the truth.
they dropped a giant marshmallow on the count's body! that ain't cricket!
Franco, it must be admitted, is not good with endings.
throw the creepy puppet over the wall!
Jess, i love you, but god damn you make it hard to be a fan sometimes.
even the most adamant franco fan will tell you dracula has some problems, but fuck it, buy the ticket take the ride. GOOD NIGHT AMSTERDAM!

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