Thursday, April 29, 2010

twitter review: Bram Stoker's Dracula (Coppola vs Franco II)

second feature is bram stoker's (by way of francis ford coppola's) dracula! rated r for sexuality and horror violence!
i wish the whole movie could keep up the intensity of the first few minutes.
first off, gary oldman is a great dracula. that's a given.
let me say again, for the record, that the first bit of Coppola's Dracula is AWESOME. when i saw it in the theater i was stoked.
tom waits does a good renfield, but obviously he lacks the cranked-up majesty of kinski. point to franco!
it's important to note that Harker is supposed to be a tool, so you can't fault the actor for that. however, keanu reeves, erm....i think the less said, the better.
i'm a big fan of watching a director get to play with every toy in the box, and coppola definintely does it up right here.
did i mention diamanda galas did vocal work for this film? point to coppola!
i'm a sucker for the stuff with the shadows.
the cornball stuff with lucy's suitors is not to my taste.
and no one can hold a candle to my imaginary girlfriend Soledad! point to Franco!
of course, gary oldman also did tiptoes. point to Franco! (if you haven't seen Tiptoes you need to read this)
there's a bit of victorian pornography in coppola's version. point to coppola!
also, the nod to Warning Shadows. that's pretty classy.
"Civilization and syphilization have advanced together!"
for the record, if there's any busty gypsy vampire women out there who are looking for someone to feed on, i'm totally available.
i like winona ryder, but she just doesn't pull her own weight in this film. point to franco!
what's interesting is anthony hopkins seems to be chanelling kinski. lord knows reeves couldn't pull that off.
"Perhaps, though I try to be good, I am bad."
Hopkins, without question, is the superior Helsing, as he gets his shadiness down to a science. Point to Coppola!
that's right, ladies, your foolish spells cannot protect you from my power! (note that I'm actually wearing a blanket as a makeshift cape while I moodily brood -- I'm a Method viewer!)
bonus points to coppola for the waves of blood when lucy dies. that's awesome.
I am the monster the breathing men would kill! I am Dracula!
y'know, winona actually does a good job here. i take back what i said. point to coppola!
the three brides of dracula? argento, de quincy, stoker and i all pulled them from the same source.
man, i totally need a castle.
"We've all become God's madmen. All of us."
and totally a better ending. point to coppola!
so who wins in this battle of titans, Franco vs. Coppola? well, my friends, we're all winners. GOOD NIGHT AMSTERDAM!

1 comment:

  1. I've decided to add a PD tag to certain reviews, which stands for "Probably Drunk". Obviously this one gets a PD tag.